I didn’t always believe. Sure, I saw Leprechauns in pictures when I was younger, but I never paid much attention. I thought they were just holiday characters, like Jesus. Then a personal experience revealed The Truth.
It happened a few years ago, on St. Patrick’s Day. I was mowing the damp lawn, getting green grass and green juice all over my shoes and pants, wondering why everything in nature is so damn green. I stopped to wipe some dog poop off my shoe and found clover stuck to my shoe. Then I looked up and saw a beautiful rainbow. It suddenly fit together - the green-ness, the clover, and the rainbow pointing the way to a better life. I knew then that Leprechauns were using this experience to try to talk to me.
So I started listening for their voices, in the woods, on the beach, in the park, even at night in my bed. And, sure enough, I heard them. Faint at first, they grew stronger when I listened harder. My friends claimed to hear Jesus, so I guess it was OK for me to hear Leprechauns.
I read a book about Leprechauns, and my faith grew. Now I didn’t just listen; I started to talk to them. At first I mumbled a few words of thanks to them for grass and rainbows. Then I started thanking Leprechauns for all of Nature, even for the dime they left for me on the sidewalk. I put a statue of a Leprechaun on my dashboard. When I realized that even my daily bread was made out of green grassy stuff, I knew I had to share the Good News.
I began openly praising Leprechauns. Born again, I was. Me, a sinner who used to curse green grass, was saved. I sang songs about Leprechauns. I told my friends about the Leprechauns love for me. I began to have a close, personal relationship with Leprechauns.
My friends thought I was strange, but the Leprechauns had told me that friends might tempt me. I joined a Leprechaun-lovers club, and began sending 10 percent of my weekly pay to help support the Leprechauns and Saint Patrick. My family grew concerned about my welfare, but I knew that Saint Patrick would answer my prayers and that I could go to live in the rainbow with the Leprechauns when I died.
I stopped strangers on the street to tell them about Leprechauns. I wrote “In Leprechauns We Trust” on my money. When my family didn’t want to hear about the Leprechaun’s love, it only made my faith stronger. When I tried to convert my office, my boss fired me.
I knew the Leprechauns were testing me. It was time to prove my faith to everyone. With a solemn prayer, I drank a quick green beer in communion. Then I pushed my roaring green-stained lawnmower into the crowd, keeping my eyes focused on my bracelet: “WWLD?”
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