Web Posted: December 21, 1997

Leaky Mary, the Christmas Tree Sap Virgin

    A few months ago I wrote about the cemeteries of Colma. Years ago, San Francisco’s leaders made it illegal to bury anyone in San Francisco, and the nearby town of Colma has gotten wealthy accommodating dead San Franciscans in its cemeteries. Dead residents now outnumber breathing ones, but news still happens in Colma. This fall there was a hotly contested election to build a casino between two cemeteries, and people thought it would be too noisy. (They must have thought the “neighbors” would complain.)

   Today's paper reports: "Crowds See Mary in Colma Cemetery."

    It seems that tree-trimmers doing routine maintenance cut a large branch off a pine tree (a Christmas tree?) in the cemetery a few months ago. The cut leaked some sap. And, like a miracle, Mary the Sap appeared! People claim the leaky sap looks just like the Virgin Mary. I don't know how these folks can tell what Mary looks like -- even their own legends say she’s been dead for 20 centuries! But facts don’t prevent faith. Crowds now come every day to see Mary the Sap, to pray, leave candles, beads and other religious litter.

    Not convinced yet? Stay with me, it get’s better. Mary the Sap was first seen between December 8 and December 12. The first date is Immaculate Conception Day (whatever that is). The second date is the Day of Our Lady of Guadalupe, the patron saint of Latin America. In 1533 an Indian named Juan Diego saw an image of the gal on a Mexican hillside (Mary of the Mud) and built a shrine there. So Colma’s sap is obviously the Virgin Mary, right? Duh...

    The color photo of Leaky Mary in the paper doesn't look like anything at all. It could be Mary, or the other Madonna, Mickey Mouse, Bill Clinton’s dog, Gingrich the Newt, or a map of the moon. Human imagination is amazing. Today must be a slow news day.

"Gentleman Jim Heldberg" writes from his favorite City by The Bay, and welcomes mail at jheldberg@atheists.org.

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