Web Posted: September 8, 1997

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   Yes, Princess Diana was a remarkable woman.

   In her short life, she climbed to the top. She wasn't just tops in her field; she was tops in the whole country, and much of the world.

   Her classic beauty was equal to San Francisco's finest ladies. Her gold-digger skills were world-class. Her social climbing skills were of historical proportions. In her early 30s, she learned how to negotiate money and titles with the Queen of England, and win. Even in death, she has a remarkable ability to sell newspapers. What a woman!

   I'm sorry that she and her male party companions are dead, but it's hardly surprising. Even royalty can't repeal the laws of physics. Traveling 110 mph in a 30 mph zone, in a crowded city, at night, in a tunnel, is stupid. It is also potentially fatal, as she proved. I'm surprised that many more weren't killed. Blaming the accident on somebody else following behind is ridiculous.

   But I really don't care. I long ago grew tired of the royal soap opera about a useless queen, a dysfunctional prince, and an expensive princess.

   Why do Americans care? We don't have royalty any more. Did we forget our history? We fought and won a terrible war two centuries ago just so we didn't have to put up with these royal escapades. Why should we care how foolish they are today?

   The English were smart enough to cripple their kings and queens, but they weren't smart enough to eliminate them. Even today, the same dangerous attitudes exist. I once worked for a company owned by an Englishman, whose imperial attitudes toward us Colonists provided daily reminders of just why we pushed these SOB's back into the sea. I finally revolted.

   Why the lemming-like mourning of the passing of this prince-less princess? She isn't a saint -- or is she? This mourning for a departed Diana has an almost religious fervor. People seem to be trying to invent an image of perfection that Diana certainly never had while she was alive. Have they found a new religious figure? Religious people enjoy inventing characters with "divine powers of perfection," and churches vigorously encourage this sort of thinking. Maybe suspending common sense for belief in imaginary beings encourages people to invent even more of them.

   It's all too much for me. I'm sure that I speak for millions of Americans (and especially for Atheists) when I say, "Keep the princess in the fairy tale. I prefer reality and democracy."

"Gentleman Jim Heldberg" writes from his favorite City by The Bay, and welcomes mail at jheldberg@atheists.org.

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